Five Ways to Help Children at Times of Big Change
It’s important to help children with their feelings at times of big change. It might be moving to a new school or class, moving house, or maybe the birth of a new sibling. These may feel commonplace for adults but for young children they are unfamiliar and huge. They can involve loss, sadness, confusion, uncertainty, anger, fear, anxiety and being overwhelmed, as well as the more enjoyable feelings of anticipation, excitement, hope and delight. Careful planning and preparation can help children move through transitions as smoothly as possible and without lingering difficulties.
Children often have change foisted upon them – they’ll have little say in whether or not to move house or school. Their lack of experience and sense of time means they are woefully unprepared for what the change might involve and how it might affect them. For instance, one child we know thought that moving house meant leaving possessions including precious toys behind. This child needed to have the process of moving house explained. We mustn’t assume that children know what you know, however obvious it might seem to us.
Here are five activities you might like to do together, each one giving you the opportunity to talk and listen, support and understand.
When you talk about transitions with children it can be useful to point to examples from nature to illustrate that change is a natural part of life and that growth and development necessitate change.
Examples you might like to use:
• Egg, caterpillar, chrysalis and butterfly
• Frogspawn, tadpole, frog
• Baby, toddler, child, teenager, adult
This is an activity to help children who are feeling anxious about a looming transition. It is particularly helpful at bedtime. You will need a selection of shells, pens, paints and brushes. Children can decorate their chosen shell to make it special.
Invite them to whisper their worries into their shell before bed. They can then put it under their pillow and literally sleep on it! The shell contains the worry, allowing the child to sleep. In the morning, the worries feel much smaller or might even have disappeared. Worry shells can also be carried in a pocket and can be handled or stroked to self-soothe and create a sense of calm and relaxation.
In the run up to a big change in a child’s life, preparation is important. A useful activity is to help the child reflect and think about what was best about what has gone before. For example, as a child moves into the next year group, you can ask them to name three things they liked best about the last year. They might want to create a poster to show their Best Things!
Providing a timetable in the form of a countdown is a helpful way of preparing children for a transition. Blasting off in a space rocket is a fun way to do this. Create a piece of art together showing a rocket on a launch pad including a calendar with a planet in the distance.
As the days progress towards the transition, they are ticked off the calendar. Talk about what it might be like to set off for a new planet and what children are anticipating when they get to planet Year 1 (or whatever the destination is).
Create a poster to help children learn a vocabulary of feelings about change. Worried, scared, wobbly, wound up, fizzy, bubbly, excited, can’t wait, nervous, fluttery in my tummy, giddy, happy. Can you think of other words? Together, make up sentences with the words in, e.g. ‘I can’t wait to meet my new teacher.’
Exert taken from ‘Little Book of Big Change’ by Dr. Carol Holliday and Jo Browning Wroe, published by Learn Well. Shared with their kind permission.
